In my group of 6 friends, I'm the councilor/therapist of the group. When I moved to another school in 11th grade and the only way for me to communicate with my friends was through phone calls or text mrssages. Sometimes I do get tired of hearing other people problems and having to give advice but I love them and care for them so I would always say yes when they ask me if I can talk. There is a specific friend, fake name Jay, that I was worried about and he was going through something mental. He told me that he was gay and didn't want to tell his parents until he graduates. Then one day, I was tired and sleepy and when i would get home from school, Ill be going to bed. I did but I got a phone call from Jay, I ignored it and put my phone on silence and went to bed. His parents found out about him and were very disappointed and shamed him for the past 3 weeks and then our friend group disowned him and I was the only one left and I ignored him. This happened before he called me. He committed suicide by crashing his cad. He didn't survive when arriving to the hospital. The last time he texted was me when I fell asleep. He was telling about how his day was and what he was going to do and how he was going to run away and asking if he could live with me. He confised to me about his feeling but I never answered. I loved him and my tired body didn't want to deal with him. I don't know what to do now.

I have many regrets in life, but this one is the cherry on top. As I've said in the previous forms I've submitted I come from a broken and disheveled household. Since my upbringing I've become deeply depressed. As I get older my will to live weakens, and the only reason I've made it this far in life is because I have a little brother seven years younger than me. His name is Mark and he's the most precious thing in this world. I love him to death and I would protect him with my life. At first I thought "As long as he lives and breathes so will I" I was confident in that decision and yet here I am hoping the next morning I don't wake up. Every regret in my life catches up to me. At times I'm afraid I'll really do it. Though because I'm afraid at that thought I have hope I'll gain the courage to live on and see him grow into an outstanding gentleman (or lady the choice is all his). Now for the main part of this message I want to say that my biggest regret is letting my surroundings define who I am, because now I'm a mess. To everyone who reads this I want to say to you to not let your mistakes or the people around you mold you into a terrible person. You are not your mother, father, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc. You can be better than them and I truly believe that. I fear it is a bit to late for me now but it's not for you. Lastly. As I write this my fingers tremble as I'm afraid to submit this but I know there's someone out there who's exactly like me. I hope my message gives strength to those who need it. Thank you for reading. English is not my first language and I need more work on my punctuation but If you post this I would love tips on how I can improve and how you received my message. Thank you again.

• July 31, 2023