i’m still in love with someone who i haven’t seen or talked to in 4 years. this was my first ever boyfriend and ig i could say he was my first love. we met the summer before we went into hs and i still remember every detail of that summer with him. he was the first boy who taught and showed me that i was worthy of love. i always felt warm and happy around him and i’d forget about every wrong thing in my life at the time. unfortunately i still had a lot of learning to do, i didn’t love myself then and had a hard time believing anyone as good as him liked me for me. i loved him though, i really did but i broke his heart. after i broke up with him everything was different, i thought we could be friends but what good is that right? i think about him a lot sometimes, so much to the point my heart begins to ache and i feel as if i might breakdown and cry. he has a gf now, i’m happy for him, but sometimes i wish it was me he was with, the new version of me he’d love more.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023