I'm in a family where I can't express myself cause I'll be judged...and they will hate in me... call me a disgrace...I cannot tell them that I unwillingly lost my virginity to someone I had no connection with at school because I feel it's my fault I know it's my fault.....I fucked up .... because I give in to his demands just to make myself feel that I'm not all that worthless...but deep down I am. It hurts how I can't say anything about my life, about my mental health cause it will be dismissed as a phase...I have no one...I see no reason to keep living...but the only reason I live is because...again...I cannot take my life... everyone left...everyone .....my only comfort is a person who I know I will not end up with....I know it's hard to understand my point of view...but...thanks for giving it a try...I appreciate...cause the few minutes you read this...you understood me more than the people I've lived with for 16 years...so thank you ..I appreciate

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023