I’m currently 18 but so far in life Iv been touched by 3 different guys, been sexually harassed by male friends, family, and even my guy best friend. Struggled to find the will to live, been bullied, family trauma with deaths, family splitting apart, losing friends, family beating eachother with either bare hands or weapons, constantly on edge thinking I’ll be taken advantage of, beating or killed, having mom instincts in order to protect my 12 yr old brother from this world because ours was never around an was the one person who started my anxiety, trust issues, depression, trauma and much more. Growing up I never believed I would’ve made it to 18. Everyday I think about stepping into the road, “falling” into water an never rising up for air, to overdose. But I’m here. An each time I told myself no, I’ll stay even if it means drowning in my own mind from the minute I wake up to the second I fall asleep. Even in sleep I can’t escape fear, now my goal is to make it to 30..life’s a bitch an I struggle everyday, to push myself to even have enough strength to get out of bed an start my day with a smile. Because now my mission in life is to protect my brother from this world, to not let life knock him down the way it did me. I’ll be the support he needs that I never received.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023