i'm a trans man in a decently religious part of the us and life obviously isn't easy. 2020 was the hardest year for me, like it was for everyone else. i considered ending it all throughout late autumn to early spring because my family and i fought for the 2nd or 3rd time about my identity. the only reason i didn't was because my online friends, found family, and pets were the only things keeping me going. i now fear the winter season because what if i feel like that again? what if i actually do end it one day? i'm almost an adult and i can't stop thinking about the fact i have the potential to join the 40% of trans kids who commit. i don't want to die, but what if my rocky mental state PEMDASes that out? my dad is a very orthodox christian and my mom refuses to talk to me about my gender identity. if they can't actually start to adjust their views, what will it mean for me? it's selfish, i know, but what am i supposed to do?

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023