I’m 22 and I was my Mothers caregiver when she was battling end stage breast cancer. At first it was simple everyday house chores, cooking, driving. We had a hard relationship but we knew we didn’t have a lot of time left so we made the best of it. I started to complain about all the chores and exploded with sadness and anger towards her because I couldn’t cope with losing her and being alone. I realize now how fucking stupid, childish, and messed up that was. The cancer soon metastasized to her brain and she became broca aphasiac, bed ridden, and in extreme pain. I thought I tried my best and did what the nurses told me but I realize I was hopelessly overwhelmed and I could’ve done a hell of a better job. Ill never forget the look on her face being trapped in aphasia. She was terrified. She passed right after sunrise two days before her birthday. Thankfully on morphine. I can’t explain enough how hard it was to lose her. She was my only parent, and no one can love you the same way they do. Life is terribly unfair so if you can, please mend things with your parents. You don’t want to take the chance of missing the opportunity.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023