I’m 15. I live in guilt, I’m racist, homophobic, and I’m anti-blm, anti-furry. I followed this kid and thought he was my friend. He was just some 12 year old kid that turned me into this. Before everything happened in the 6th grade I wrote some depression stuff on my arm and a English teacher saw it, school guidance called me down and talked to me, scared shitless I made up a whole story on why I’m depressed. Well some parts were true the rest I made up. I realized all of this would go down into a deep mess which is did. Ended up having Cp (child protective services) coming over and my dad couldn’t hold in the mess. He cheated on my mom catfishing other women giving them stuff I wanted but never got. I’m taking therapy and I really wished I never made this up. It’s just guilt and I regret this all but I hold it in but each day passes by and I’m dying in guilt.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023