idk if this makes sense but i dont even have the energy to be sad anymore?? like im not numb im just kind of existing and i always feel sorta like unreal and lethargic and i dont understand it. i wanna live and have fun like other kids my age but i dont feel like trying anymore and i wanna get help but i really hate the idea of ppl knowing things abt me and it feels like my life is falling apart right in front of me and i cant do anything abt it. all of my friends are getting sick of me and it feels like theyre all slowly pushing me out of the friend group by barely/not interacting w me and i get weird intrusive thoughts all the time and i feel so guilty abt them even though ik i cant control them but it just feels so gross that i could even like create that thought? and ive been sleeping so much lately but not showering much even though i play sports and go to school and all that and i feel like im such a disgusting person like why cant i fucking do anything bruh

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023