I woke up to the sound of breaking glass and adults arguing. Mom and friends were drinking. Cops got called. Got put into foster care with my sister. There was a entertainment tv stand with tape on the floor where I couldn't cross around it. "Don't sit too close to the tv" type of deal. I crossed the tape line. That night I was punished. But I was molested by the foster parent. I was 6 or 7. Maybe there a week until my dad was contacted and we moved in with him. I was starting 2nd grade from what I can remember. Years later that tape line send me back to that night of pain and crying. I get triggered when I see caution tape. As time went on through my adulthood I got the urge to hurt kids the way I was. But I didn't want to. Once I found drugs it helped me to escape. I then became a needle poking junkie of whatever I could shoot to keep those urges at bay. I ruined my life so I wouldn't ruin others. I'm now 33 and 27 months into recovery. I'm writing a book to free myself of this experience

I always feel like I have no friends. I have two friendsgroups but still I feel like it. I just started 8th grade last year, a new class and a new school, but still the same people. I got in class with 3 of my besties. Were were a group. But only one of them was like my real bestie. Then we met a girl from another school in our class and became friends with her too. But it was most my bestie that got friends with her, also one of the others in the group. My bestie and her started to hangout more often then I could hang out with her. Im jealous. And I know i am. Im jealous of the new girl that stealed my bestie. But she didnt steal her, my "old" bestie left me. But I still have the two other friends in the friend group. We 5 are still a group, but not so much. I also have this other friend group where one of the others from the other group is in too. We are 6 girls. Four of them was really a friend grouo, but then me and the other friend made it in the group. Or atleast I thought I did. (I walk with two of them to school) Today, both said they werent walking home, cause their going to the mall, but I didnt think they were going together. But when I found out all the 5 others in the grouo were going together, i got sad. It felt like they left me out. Im so bad at asking to join too. I feel like that would be disrespectful. I feel like everyone hates ne, and that im annoying to be around. Please help me, i litterly dont know if I can do it anymore.

• July 27, 2023