i was 10 and my friend was 7. i was a curious kid who was learning about the world and i wanted to experiment stuff with them because they were my bestfriend. we would do weird stuff together and i carry this guilt with me all the time because i think i ruined their childhood because of my curiosity. i am 16 now and i would never do that weird stuff to anyone. i was just curious and wanted to see what it was like with my bestfriend. they were so young and i really do feel like i ruined their childhood. i didn’t rape them or touch/like them inappropriately but we did weird stuff. i think about this from time to time and i just hate myself so much for it.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023