i started smoking nic to spite my ex boyfriend after he moved on in three days. i went to the doctor a few weeks ago and they told me i was severely malnourished and psychologically and physiologically anorexic. not to mention i went to the gyno and they told me im infertile because i’ve been starving myself since i was 12. life is a shit show right now but i’ll never admit to anyone that my health is as bad as it is. i’ll take it to my grave.

I always feel like I have no friends. I have two friendsgroups but still I feel like it. I just started 8th grade last year, a new class and a new school, but still the same people. I got in class with 3 of my besties. Were were a group. But only one of them was like my real bestie. Then we met a girl from another school in our class and became friends with her too. But it was most my bestie that got friends with her, also one of the others in the group. My bestie and her started to hangout more often then I could hang out with her. Im jealous. And I know i am. Im jealous of the new girl that stealed my bestie. But she didnt steal her, my "old" bestie left me. But I still have the two other friends in the friend group. We 5 are still a group, but not so much. I also have this other friend group where one of the others from the other group is in too. We are 6 girls. Four of them was really a friend grouo, but then me and the other friend made it in the group. Or atleast I thought I did. (I walk with two of them to school) Today, both said they werent walking home, cause their going to the mall, but I didnt think they were going together. But when I found out all the 5 others in the grouo were going together, i got sad. It felt like they left me out. Im so bad at asking to join too. I feel like that would be disrespectful. I feel like everyone hates ne, and that im annoying to be around. Please help me, i litterly dont know if I can do it anymore.

• July 27, 2023