I regret not taking care of myself before the others. Since I was a kid I always tried to help others, listening to them, giving away my time and thinking I was supposed to have on my shoulders the responsibility of their happiness. And now I'm here, stuck in a limbo, where I feel constantly guilty for focusing on myself (and being accused as selfish for doing so) while I know I reached a point where I really need to take care of my mental health before something bad happens to me. I feel like I wasted all my life doing nothing for myself, every action I made was for other people's happiness, and for me only bits and pieces were left. I'm on the limit of a breakdown any time soon, but I'm still constantly fighting with myself about not putting others ahead of me, and sometimes I fail myself. I feel sorry for myself because no one ever told me that I should make me more important than the others, and everyone just used me because I was there, always ready and available.

My biggest regret in life is spending 4 whole years just studying , being excellent at school , spending all my time trying to be a perfect student and also a perfect daughter at home , trying to get people to knowledge me but still failing. You know i was so focused on being perfect to others that i forgot the joy of having friends , hanging around with them, playing games , laughing hard till tears come out and like be happy for real. I was being bullied at school all the time , i was literally being ignored by everyone ,i was used to being called ugly, old lady lots of other insults i just kept myself shut from everyone possible, i had this stupid thought that i should only study and that friends are a distraction i dont even know why i thought like that but i regret it alot but again why the cruel treatment i never did anything to them .Honestly i also wanted to have friends , i wanted to go to parties , eat together, have someone to talk too … i mean just maybe if someone had reached their hand to me , if someone would’ve just made a step forward to me would things have been any different? Maybe if just someone would’ve wanted to be part of my life i would’ve gladly accepted…:(

• November 3, 2022