I never truly loved anyone. Not even my family, I've been told all my life that I am a f - up and I believe it. So my biggest feat is letting people down and having them look down on me even more. I take drives to work and think to myself, " what would happen if I just drive off this cliff, who would truly miss me". I can help everyone with a smile but I've been thinking about taking my own life. Noone that I know would put their life before mine. But, I am the first they call when they need help and because I'm so destined to leave the earth with a kind spirit I do it always. I told my dad that I was r@ped when I was 10, he told me it was because how I dressed and acted. After that I never told anyone anything. My mom has put her boyfriends before her own children, I'm so scared that people judge me and as much as I try to convince myself I belong here. There's just so many more reasons for me to leave. I am a burden on everyone's life.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023