I masturbate sometimes.

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What are your deepest secrets that you would like to share before you d.i.e?

I masturbate sometimes.

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💼 Career

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TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

August 5, 2023

My fwb assaulted me. We were just in our feelings one night. And I was happy because he finally came over for more than sex. I never had feelings for him but he always said he did for me. I think he was fetishizing me. I’m a black girl and he’s white. There aren’t many black girls here. But I was getting tired so I turned around on the bed and tried to sleep. He asked me if I wanted to have sex. I said “no I’m too sad right now I just wanna go to sleep” and he said “or I could fuck the sadness out of you”. I told him no it wouldn’t work I’d still be sad after. And he said “fine I’ll just keep doing this until you say yes”. Then he started grinding on me and groping me and breathing in my ear. I was scared. I thought if I didn’t react he would stop, but he didn’t. So I turned around and let him do what he wanted. It was back in November of last year. And I still live in the same town as him. I cut him off in December. I don’t know what to do.

August 3, 2023

I have always had a secret I wanted to let go of. I have problems with everything I do. It doesn’t sound that big but I think of everything I do every single day. It’s like I overthink but x10 today my dad was yelling at me and my brother for waking up late for school and I started crying. He felt really bad and I started crying even more when I realized why he was that mad he had went to sleep after 3 am and was tired he woke up early to drive down to crispy Cremes just to get us Valentine’s Day donuts I feel like I ruined his Valentine’s Day really badly and I started crying after school because my dad didn’t feel good (didn’t have covid he took a test) and he STILL had to go to work he gets off of work at midnight everyday I feel so freaking bad and I feel like it’s my fault for everything. I didn’t even finish my donut because I was so sad. I cry writing this because I love him so much and I would die for him so it hurts to see my parents try so hard just for me to be upset about something so little. I hate myself and I deserve to go to hell

July 29, 2023

i Regret turning my sadness to anger and putting that ager to other people because you really never know how long u have with them people like one day i have a TERRIBLE day at school i got a bus ticket yelled at school got in trouble and they asked how was your day and i yelled leave me alone when all the were doing was trying to help so you see you may be depressed or any emotion avoid turning you sadness into anger and pulling them out on the wrong people.

June 26, 2023

i want to die. it’s crazy this is the first time I’ve actually written that because I’m scared of the truth. I always thought mentally I was okay. I thought I could do it or I could just forget I’m sad. I know, it sounds stupid but genuinely I want to be happy. I want to stop thinking I’ll kill myself. I want to stop trying to find excuses why I should stay alive. Recently the excuse of my mom hasn’t been helping. And now I’m scared one day I’ll be done.it started after my cousin touched me when I was 6. i remember it like it was yesterday. I removed the feelings I had while he touched me. I remember the fear I felt and how I wanted to run. I remember all the people in the room watching it happen and not helping. I also remember me not saying anything for weeks because I was afraid my family would yell at me. And then it happened when I was 9, 11 and 14. I remember everything and I’ve never told a soul what happened. I mean ofc people know but not how many times or who did it. I refuse to be labeled as a victim. Because those who are, are just the victims. Not the survivors and not the ones who made a change. I can’t go to my friends because they never really have time for me. I’ll make time for them always idc I worked three full time jobs at once and always made time. But I understand sometimes it might be harder for others. It’s okay.

June 25, 2023

I’m 22 and I was my Mothers caregiver when she was battling end stage breast cancer. At first it was simple everyday house chores, cooking, driving. We had a hard relationship but we knew we didn’t have a lot of time left so we made the best of it. I started to complain about all the chores and exploded with sadness and anger towards her because I couldn’t cope with losing her and being alone. I realize now how fucking stupid, childish, and messed up that was. The cancer soon metastasized to her brain and she became broca aphasiac, bed ridden, and in extreme pain. I thought I tried my best and did what the nurses told me but I realize I was hopelessly overwhelmed and I could’ve done a hell of a better job. Ill never forget the look on her face being trapped in aphasia. She was terrified. She passed right after sunrise two days before her birthday. Thankfully on morphine. I can’t explain enough how hard it was to lose her. She was my only parent, and no one can love you the same way they do. Life is terribly unfair so if you can, please mend things with your parents. You don’t want to take the chance of missing the opportunity.

June 4, 2023