I literally fucking hate my best friend. I’ll start from the beginning.. all the way to elementary school. All of my previous best friends have always “matched my energy” but they were complete weirdos and weren’t put in any honors classes (I take all honors) so that didn’t help either. I never liked the fact that they were weirdos so I befriended them. Now I see it as probably the biggest mistake ever. My new best friend isn’t a weirdo, but it’s nowhere near as fun around her than it is when it was with my old best friends. I desperately want to re-establish our old friendship, but I was a complete bitch about it and haven’t spoken to them in over a year. I have no clue what to do- start talking with my ex best friends, who probably hate me, or maintain my friendship with my new bsf, who I am very unhappy being friends with.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023