I kind of wish my dad wasnt around? I know thats horrible to say because im lucky to have a dad in my life but he used to be borderline abusive and went off on me for telling him im trans making me traumatized from loud noises and he even threatened to hit me before i fell to the ground sobbing and begging him to go away. I never realized he actually abused me as a child because i always just thought "wow my dad is so strong he jokingly punched me and now its bruised! I wanna be as strong as him one day." He also throws out the food i buy for myself? Im a very picky eater and im the only picky one in my house hold so i buy my own food with my allowance that i actually eat and im the only one who eats that kind of food but it always goes missing and i just figured someone ate it and lied about it till i caught him throwing it out. He also never tells me when people have made food but always offers to tell me when other people have just so he can avoid telling me. I tell people he just borderline neglective but he abused as a child and told me "good youre getting fat anyway" when i told him i was anorexic :/ so am i wrong for wishing he wasnt in my life?

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023