I have no idea what's wrong with me. I have always thought I was straight but lately I've been bi-curious. Because of this girl. Whenever I see her.. idk how to describe it. I just feel this sort of way. I would like to get to know her better. I want to protect her too. She's so funny too she never fails to make me laugh. But the reason why I'm having such a hard time figuring out what this feeling is, it's because I've never felt this way for anyone else. Then I thought "maybe I'm bi" but I've never been attracted to any other girl before. So idk if I'm feeling like this motherly nature to like protect her even though she's older than me or something else. When I see her in the hallways I always hope she turns and looks at me. Me and her we're in this club together and she makes this intense eye contact with me which makes me feel this type of way. UGH I WISH I COULD DESCRIBE THIS BETTER! I also have had some sexual fantasies with her. Reading that you may think "oh you're definitely bi" but then again I'm literally not attracted to ANY other girl like none. This is a first. It's so confusing like am I bi but just for her only? Is that a thing? IDK IM SO CONFUSED UGHH

The only thing keeping me alive are my babies. I have two under two years. The older was planned, the younger was not even with bcp and other protection. Regardless, they are both loved and taken care of. I became a sahm because of covid and the past 6 months have been rough. I do all household upkeeping and feel like a single parent. My husband gets up early for work so I put the babies to sleep every night. I also wake up in the night, take care of feedings and bathe the younger one. My husband bathes and sometimes feeds the older baby, washes bottles, and sometimes washes the dishes. Other than providing monetary wise, that's all he does. I have tried expressing how overwhelmed I am, but he doesn't get it. I'm touched out by the end of the day so I'm not affectionate anymore and we barely are intimate. Those are his issues with me. I've asked him to read about hormonal changes in woman during and after birth, including ppd but he doesn't think it's necessary. I thought about dropping the babies to my sister and ending my life. Juggling two babies is so hard for me idk how other mothers do it. I feel like a failure as a mother because I could not breastfeed either one for more than a month (did not produce enough milk) and I get overwhelmed. How do I do this? How do I get more help when the one person who can won't do it?

• June 13, 2023