I have many regrets in life, but this one is the cherry on top. As I've said in the previous forms I've submitted I come from a broken and disheveled household. Since my upbringing I've become deeply depressed. As I get older my will to live weakens, and the only reason I've made it this far in life is because I have a little brother seven years younger than me. His name is Mark and he's the most precious thing in this world. I love him to death and I would protect him with my life. At first I thought "As long as he lives and breathes so will I" I was confident in that decision and yet here I am hoping the next morning I don't wake up. Every regret in my life catches up to me. At times I'm afraid I'll really do it. Though because I'm afraid at that thought I have hope I'll gain the courage to live on and see him grow into an outstanding gentleman (or lady the choice is all his). Now for the main part of this message I want to say that my biggest regret is letting my surroundings define who I am, because now I'm a mess. To everyone who reads this I want to say to you to not let your mistakes or the people around you mold you into a terrible person. You are not your mother, father, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc. You can be better than them and I truly believe that. I fear it is a bit to late for me now but it's not for you. Lastly. As I write this my fingers tremble as I'm afraid to submit this but I know there's someone out there who's exactly like me. I hope my message gives strength to those who need it. Thank you for reading. English is not my first language and I need more work on my punctuation but If you post this I would love tips on how I can improve and how you received my message. Thank you again.

Meeting her. She was so nice, mature, and was scarily keen and socially intelligent. She knew I liked her. She said she liked me too, but couldnt get into a relationship yet; and that was fine. I was an idiot. She kept leading me on and did things friends... arent supposed to do. She then broke it down to me her friends dont approve of us together and gave her a choice; them, or her. It broke me down when she chose them, although she secretly had me on the side and we kept being together for awhile. Things happened between us though. I kept asking her if she even liked me still and she kept lying and lying, saying "I do like you." It wore me down. Events happened between us because I couldnt tell if she was being nice or if she liked me. She told me she liked me, over and over. She broke me down. Over and over and over, and fixed me over and over and over. She made irreplacable memories and overtime my like turned into love, and every time she fixed me, I started to love her more and more, disregarding myself and making her my everything. We were so close. I would do anything to make her happy. Then she started being distant. I was getting emotional since she suddenly started being distant and making excuses not to see me anymore, and it was like this for a month or so. I couldnt take it and got emotional. She gave me the truth. It was all a lie. She never cared about me, she never acknowledged me as a person, she only knew my name and that was about it. She didnt care about me at all. She never liked me at all. She was just leading me on and playing with me. She threw me away because I was only there for her to cope with the drama she had in her life. Things ended there. I tried to apologize. I got suicidal and really depressed about the whole situation. I wasnt good enough for her to even care about me. I started cutting myself. I got more and more sucidial and I started confiding in people I trusted. They told her everything and betrayed me. They mocked me. They laughed at me saying Ill never be able to talk to her again and that I was manipulative and tried to take her away from them. I had a restraining order from her. The whole school knows about our situation. I dont feel safe at school with all the eyes on me because of her. I just want to kill myself. I dont even think I want to live. I loved her and she didnt care about me at all. They betrayed me and everyone knows. I dont know what to do other then commiting suicide. My life is ruined. I love her so, so, so, so much. I hope shes happy when I kill myself, because I cant handle a life without her.

• July 1, 2023