I hate myself to the core and I've never been truly able to get over my past of bullying, I've found a boyfriend shockingly and I feel like a burden. I hate myself to the point that it takes so much effort for someone to love me. He doesn't even know that I cry myself to sleep almost every night thinking of disappearing. I've thought of death alot since I was young. And I will never act upon it but it keeps me up at night knowing my presence harms other people, I seem well put together, so people would never take me seriously and would think I'd be able to take care of it on my own. But I've only ever been able to help others. Never myself.

A couple months ago my mom sold our house to my dad and moved so I ended up staying with him and his girlfriend. I had a dog at the time and a month after my dad moved in i had to give him away to one of my sister's friends which broke my heart i cried alot for my dog and 2 months after she called me crying that he had passed away due to not being cared for I completely lost it my dog was a special needs dog who needed extra care and attention but she didn't listen to me when I told her that. I'm so heart broken on top of dealing with the loss of my fur baby I was also dealing with my dad and his girlfriend who doesn't like me until I had enough and decided to move out on my last day at my old house my dad suggested that I leave my dogs ashes here which I went off on him and told him that's never happening my dog goes where I go because he believes having them is bringing people with bad vibes into my life and bad things happen to me because of the dogs ashes the only people in my life with bad vibes is him and his girlfriend who have caused me so much stress I was treated really bad by both of them especially her but he doesn't want to put the blame on himself or her so ofcourse he would think of blaming my dog who had passed away and that I had to give away because of him

• July 12, 2023