I hate my father, so much. The amount of emotional and mental stress and trauma he gave me…I tried killing myself some times now. I was 9 years old when i decided to cut I’m out my life when I’m older. I’m 14. I’m tired. So so tired. Nothing ever feels good enough for him. I miss being daddy’s little girl, I only remember being looked at with proud eyes from the father once. Every I love you I ever said was a lie besides the ones told to my pets. I’ve never felt good enough for him. He’s made me cry so many times and each time I cried silently by myself. I have a notes filled with things he’s done. He’s punches holes into the wall, physically fought my mother twice, police had been called so many times on him, ran to my grandma’s place (his mom) and he yelled at her to give me and my siblings to him and ended up breaking the door and leaving….we went back. Every single time we go back. he would threaten me and my siblings every time saying if we left he would beat us, knowing we had no choice but to go. He’s in prison/jail. And I don’t want him to get out. I would rather have no father at all in my life than have him as one. What hurts the most is that he loves me, I know he does but he doesn’t act like it. All the good moments we have make me feel so guilty for saying this but I can’t help it. He has caused me and my family so many problems. I need help, I’m not safe. I’m only 14. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted, I was also sexually assaulted by my grandmother’s BF, my mom’s mother. And don’t plan on every telling anyone.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023