i hate my dad. i don’t want him in my life. every day i stress myself ab if he’s gonna try to talk to me and touch me or just anything that involves him. he’s always at work and i never see him. it just seems like he doesn’t make an attempt to be in my life anymore. there’re days where i don’t see him at all bc of how much he works. and every week end, he’s always drunk as fuck and i hate it. he always says he isn’t gonna drink, but them buys a shit ton of beer and gets drunk the entire week end. i hate dealing with it. i hate any time he tries to talk to me. i hate him touching me(he never gave me any physical affection when i was younger and it’s so goddamn uncomfortable when he tries to do anything now i hate it). i hate him being around/close to me. he also doesn’t respect mine, or my brothers privacy(which has been a problem in the past several times). i don’t love him. i don’t wanna live in the same house as him anymore.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023