I had a boyfriend who I loved so much. He was my first love. In the beginning, he treated me like I was a pearl. He broke up with me in the fall of 2017 after months of ignoring me and I saw him again in the next year. Then, he started treating me well again and we went on dating. Two weeks after we got back together, he started flirting with other people and treating me like I was disgusting. He yelled at me. He called me names. I loved him so much I thought he was just upset. He was bipolar and blamed all his feelings on me - to the point where he tried to k1ll himself and blamed it on me, on new years eve. He told his friends I was a terrible person, so they wouldn't talk to me. Everyone ignored me for a year and a half because of him, and I still loved him. Anything I accomplished was bad for him, because it wasn't him that won. I fell into depression and started discounting this on others - the same way he did with me. My worst regret was not ending things when he started cheating on me. He did that 4 times, and still said I was the one cheating on him. I never did such a thing. I regret not ending things when he called me disgusting for wanting to kiss him. When he yelled at me in a restaurant in front of my friends. I still think about him to this day, regretting ever falling in love with him. I don't think I'll ever not regret meeting him. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him. People say you have to forgive people but I don't think I will be able to forgive him, ever.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023