I fell in love with my brother’s best friend. We did things together behind my brother’s back. We would text all day and FaceTime almost every night. He wanted to be something more but I told him I couldn’t because I couldn’t do that to my brother. Even though I really did love him. We talked about our future together. But I kept a secret from him that I didn’t want kids or even get married. After I told him those things knowing he wants them. I couldn’t help but feel like I was holding him back. I told him about a year ago that I couldn’t be friends with him because it hurt me to see a life I could never live with him. We haven’t talked since. I regret hurting him. I never wanted to hurt him. He was my first love. My best friend and now we are stranger. Not only that after we ended things his friendship with my brother ended and I can’t help but feel it was all my fault. If he ever reads this I just want to say that you will always be in my heart. I hope you are happy and that you have found someone that loves every part of you. I love you.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023