I feel really guilty about this and idk if I should 2 years ago my god father and his wife decided to adopt a baby. Idk if they couldn’t have one or just decided to. They posted a few Instagram photos with her and I go to FaceTime her a few times. My mom, whenever something’s wrong, she goes to her friends but she wanted to tell me something. She told me the baby died. But when I overheard, but she didn’t tell me, was that she had that in her birthday. She was guilty, and I know why. You know how when God takes or if he gives one back? She felt that for her to live that baby had to die. But I know that if that’s true I probably have something to do with it. I’m always complaining God about things that I’ve known to be true. Every day, every night, every time I would pray, I would say thank you for everything you’ve done for me because I know I could never live without a lot of things that you giving me like my mom. I said this every day, and I told God that I don’t know what I would do if I lost her. If that baby how to die for my mom to live, I did that because he knew I couldn’t do it. God doesn’t give us things we can handle, it says so in the Bible. I think God knew I couldn’t handle losing my mom…

I always feel like I have no friends. I have two friendsgroups but still I feel like it. I just started 8th grade last year, a new class and a new school, but still the same people. I got in class with 3 of my besties. Were were a group. But only one of them was like my real bestie. Then we met a girl from another school in our class and became friends with her too. But it was most my bestie that got friends with her, also one of the others in the group. My bestie and her started to hangout more often then I could hang out with her. Im jealous. And I know i am. Im jealous of the new girl that stealed my bestie. But she didnt steal her, my "old" bestie left me. But I still have the two other friends in the friend group. We 5 are still a group, but not so much. I also have this other friend group where one of the others from the other group is in too. We are 6 girls. Four of them was really a friend grouo, but then me and the other friend made it in the group. Or atleast I thought I did. (I walk with two of them to school) Today, both said they werent walking home, cause their going to the mall, but I didnt think they were going together. But when I found out all the 5 others in the grouo were going together, i got sad. It felt like they left me out. Im so bad at asking to join too. I feel like that would be disrespectful. I feel like everyone hates ne, and that im annoying to be around. Please help me, i litterly dont know if I can do it anymore.

• July 27, 2023