I don’t regret my life decisions I came very far and grew a lot as a person on my own and especially in the past year but I had my biggest heart break and I don’t regret walking away from it but I miss the feelings it gave me and the hope and it was the rush that kept me going at the time, he was in boot camp and I sent out letters all the time and waiting for his and for the mail everyday was what kept me going knowing one day I’ll get a letter soon or a 5 minute call on a Sunday. And it’s been a year and a half since it ended but he still has a big piece of my heart. We ended on good terms and talk very very rarely but now that we’re both in the military it’s hard and we have our own lives. I believe in right person wrong time but I also believe that if it’s meant to happen it’ll come around again and not to keep forcing it. It just sucks when he crosses my mind because I go back to how it was before it got bad.

I regret allowing you to treat me so poorly for so long. I should've stood up for myself and what I wanted more. You were my first real relationship and the first person to make me really feel loved. Walking away from you is so hard. But I don't think that you don't love me the way I need to be loved. You saw me as my potential, and not the flawed human I really am. You had expectations that were so impossible to attain and made disappointing you feel like a cardinal sin. You told me I was the best thing that ever happened to you, but I'm scared that you might have been the worst that ever happened to me. That fear is the only reason I moved on, and I'm learning so much about myself and my needs. I'll never stop loving you, but watching you beg and plead for me to come back to you day after day is killing me. I hate watching you suffer, but I know that if I took you back as you are I'm only going to get hurt, and things won't really change. I've spent the last few years dealing with the bs and I just can't keep on after what you did. I know I have to stay strong and keep up my boundaries. You brought out the absolute worst in me and I never want to be that person again. I just hope our son will one day understand why I walked away, without having to learn this lesson the hard way.

• March 26, 2023