I am so close to ending it. I had a list of things to do and I’ve done them all. I have no reason to stay and it hurts I don’t know what to do. It hurts I’m so exhausted by everything. I don’t want people to miss me but ik they don’t really care. I will never be loved or happy. I hate everything about myself. I just don’t want to feel so awful anymore. And getting help isn’t an option the closest thing I have is telling my best friend and I don’t want to annoy her.

i’m not really sure if i binge eat or anything but i don’t want to seem like i’m overreacting or self diagnosing so i’ve never told anyone about it. every night i get 3-5 things and eat them and i can’t not do it but i feel like it’s making me fat and i feel so sick after doing it. i want to stop but when it’s night time it’s too tempting, but i feel like no one will believe me and i don’t even know if i binge eating and i don’t want to make people annoyed by telling them about it. all of my friends have perfect bodies and they always say they’re “super bloated” and “so pregnant” and i compare myself to them and they have abs and PERFECT PERFECT bodies and say they’re fat and i tell them they’re not and i feel so guilty about eating at night and at lunch and in the morning but i can’t not and i feel like i shouldnt be and i want to stop eating entirely. i also feel guilty about telling someone about it because they won’t believe me because i eat every meal. i don’t know if i’m being unhealthy or not :(

• August 6, 2023