i am ok with my life. but sometimes i get this overwhelming urge to just… end it. like i don’t have anymore motivation to finish getting my cna, get married, go on an LDS mission, any of it. sometimes ending things seems like the easiest option. last night i had a thought that said “you’re not supposed to be here anymore.” it really freaked me out cos i don’t really wanna die yet there are still things i do wanna experience. but at the same time i don’t care anymore. i wish i could break my leg or something and spend a couple days in the hospital and then limping around. so that i would have a reason to be sad.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023