I am in love with my straight best friend. We do the obvious sus jokes and what not but what he will never know is that I secretly want him. He is engaged to a women and I feel the need to cut our friendship because I know we will never be together. I try and talk myself out of it every single day but I just feel jealousy and guilt because I know it’s not right.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023