I am a babysitter and I babysit for people who keep a kosher kitchen. (Meat and dairy can’t mix) I was one day cleaning up the kitchen while the parents were out and the kids were asleep. I was just putting some of the dishes in the sink and accidentally, without realizing I put a meat dish in the dairy sink. (A big no no) it was to late. I boiled water to try and clean the dish to purify it and I threw out the sponge. I hope I cleaned it right I never told the parents out of guilt and I don’t think I could ever tell them.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023