I almost died when I was a kid due to an issue with my intestines. Basically they stopped working and I was literally a week or so away from dying at 6 years old. Eventually we figured it out and I’m somewhat better now, but the medical bills because of what happened then and what’s happening now are really really expensive. It causes a lot of problems between my parents and I and I constantly feel guilty for all the problems my health causes…so my secret is that sometimes I think it would’ve been easier for both me and my family if I had actually died back then.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023