I (13M) was setting up a game for my brother on my dad’s phone when a message came in. It read, (in Spanish) “hey baby, when you coming over? I’m growing tiresome without you.” It wasn’t from my mom. I looked through the messages and found n*des of the woman. That was my first time looking at n*des. They have been texting for months. I haven’t said anything to anyone because if I told my mom, she would certainly divorce but wouldn’t be able to support me and 2 other children, even with a divorce settlement. I have kept this secret for 5 months and have started feeling depressed because of it. Once I’m old enough and have the resources to support them, I am going to get this son of a bitch out of our house. I don’t know if I can make it that long but I have to for them. I bear the pain so they don’t have to.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023