Haven't told my friends thish but it happened feburary I been feeling lost and tired so I decided that I should kill myself I told all my siblings I love them my mom and baby cousin I tucked 2 bottles of pills I didn't feel nothing I thought it didn't work I was mad so I went to sleep I woke up 39 minutes later got out bed and fell it was ki kicking and I was happy it was all about to be over I started walk around the house my mom call me she ask me what wrong I but I look past her and seen a black figure I told my self it about to be over my mother ask me again I said pills she asked what you take I didn't answer she call the ambulance but I was going and out I remember wake up and a hospital bed and her tell me she love me so much and then I ask her what happened when I I black out she said that when I got and ambulance car I told her I seen my aunt that past away and she was tell me to come her she told don't go and sis don't take my baby and whole lot other stuff happen but if would die I would bought pain to the ones I love

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023