Growing up as a child with a single mother that was always working I was raised by grandmother. She played the roles that my mother had to fulfill even when she was nearing her last moments on earth. She fell sick November 2019, took what I would call little care of her coz I was busy with online classes yet she needed some one next to her 24/7. Feb 2021 I had to go back to campus to do exams and I couldn't say goodbye coz I was afraid of not finding her alive and just took a last look. 8 days at campus a message with deepest condolences woke me up and I immediately knew it was her, I couldn't take the final look at her on her funeral. I hold onto everything of hers that I can keep. I just can't get past her absence in life. Sometimes I wonder if she is lonely. Does she need company?

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023