For years I've struggled really bad with depression and anxiety. I've always felt like I wasn't enough for people. People always used me and threw me to the side. Never had anyone to talk to when I was at my lowest and I even wanted to kill myself. I attempted a few times was successful once but I was resuscitated 3 times. It wasn't until I met my girlfriend that all that stopped being a thought. She treats me a way I've never been treated before she takes care of me and she loves me more than I can love her and I love her with all my heart and I truly believe she's the one, but I had a minor relapse and my depression beat me down and feels like everything in the world is crashing again. I'm losing her because I can't pull myself back together and I don't want her to see me like this. She wants to talk about the future of us today and all I can think of is "I'm gonna lose her and all the pain and struggling is gonna come back and I'm not gonna be strong enough to win this time". I feel as if today is going to be my last. I'm going to lose all the happiness and peace I found because I couldn't find it in myself.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023