for as long as I could remember my parents were fighting my whole child hood but I was too young and oblivious to see it when I was only 4. My dad smoked a lot and me and my big sister would try stop him by telling him he smelled and even took his cigarettes away and hid them but he found out and yelled at us so we had to give them back. My sister was my bestfriend as we went through everything together. Many nights my dad would hit my mum and then kiss her to pretended nothing happened and mum hated it. Dad was always out late drinking with friends (cheating) and we would see mum going through his phone when he was in the shower crying and I would hug her and she would tell me I was all she had. Many nights they got in fights and dad would just leave and me and my sister would wait outside the front door to beg him not to go again but he pushed us away and drove off. One night they had another fight and he dragged me onto the floor at the age of 6 and yelled pick a parent to stay with mum tried to tell him this wasn’t fair but he just told her to shut the fuck up, the rest I blanked out of my memeory. The night everything g was over they were hitting eachother and I called my aunt crying hysterically with my older and little sister, mum then called the cops and they came to our house then the next day we stayed home from school and whilst dad was at work we all left and didn’t see dad for a couple of weeks whilst mum said services were sorting out arrangements. Dad has changed but part of me will always hate seeing him and the memories of how he treated us. I know he’s still in love with my mum and regrets it but I can never forgive him and it’s so exhausting