Biggest regret is giving so many chances to people who didn’t even deserve the first one. I let myself down so much because of it. I always tell myself I will make it even, but I never do. I was lied to, manipulated, and blamed for all the wrongs of someone else. I am at my breaking point with it all and have been for a bit. It’s hard to hide but I have to. This one guy though. I’d give him 1000000 chances to get it right, and I have but there is so much damage. I try to fix my end of it. Like the forgiveness and all. But it’s like I always find something new. Here lately it’s been serious but idk. I need help but it’s embarrassing to open up.

not going go class. i’m a senior working my butt off to get my credits done and graduate on time with a low ass GPA because even now, i still have a hard time finding motivation to do anything. i’d skip class and sit in a bathroom for hours instead of just going to class; looking back it was really dumb but i would also leave campus with friends that i have ni contact with now. i want to be successful and i’m scared about future because i’m a first gen from an immigrant family and i should be doing better. i hate school but i also want to go to college to feel like i’m doing something with my life, and because of my GPA i won’t be able to go so i’m left with figuring out what i’m going to do. i have no motivation and i need discipline but i don’t know how to start when i’m in this deep hole i put myself in. i feel like a total failure and it just sets me back way more. i don’t want a regular job and live my life working to survive. i think any job that allows people to earn money honestly is great, but i also think i have better opportunities and potential. i’m just very stuck and i’ve been trying to do better for so many years but i just fall back to being unmotivated, depressed and tired.

• April 1, 2023