Before I die… I want my family to know I’m sorry for every little drug I did… for hiding for so long. I want my ex fiancé AH to know I’m sorry I wasn’t brought and I’m sorry you fell out of love with me. I’m sorry it’s not the same. I would do everything for you. I didn’t plan on living past 22… that’s why I rushed to get married to you. That’s why I rushed to have a baby soon… so you had a piece of me when I was gone. That for the past year since July 5th of 2021 I didn’t plan on living past 22. I wanted to make sure you never were alone and you knew every aspect of love from me.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023