around the ages of 5-9 years old both of my brothers molested me. i don’t remember anything from before that. in second-third grade i had to visit my biological father after he got out of jail (lol he was in there for sexual assault or something so it’s fitting). long story short, i don’t remember much of those years either. growing up, my mom was the only one raising her 4 kids and therefore she was growing too. if i tried explaining myself when she wasn’t in the right or reacted to her mood in a negative way, she’d cut off my means of communication by either threatening me, hitting me, or slamming the door in my face. I am now about to be 16 years old with heavy trust issues and communication problems because of them. this is shit that took me YEARS to understand about myself. love isn’t real and people suck, getcho money up not yo funny up gang and forever and always remember that before everyone, you come first.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023