Alr so.. when I was younger I would get physically abused everyday till until about the age of 12 when I was saved from that home. (I’m 17 this year …) I always thought it was normal to grow up that way.. idk why I thought parents did that. I’m working through therapy but even they don’t know the darkest part about it . Anyway.. I still love them with everything In me.. that’s the problem tho.. im afraid to let go of the people I love the most . What do I do bcs I keep self harming and idk what to do anymore people keep leaving and hurting me so.. it’s like what do I even do yk. It’s too painful to even bring up verbally .. so yeah thanks for listening

Sooo im currently suffering from an ED (bulmina to be exact) and my friends are supportive of me but at the same time they still make jokes about it. I always hear the “why eat if youll throw it up” “oh did you throw up already” “you cant even keep it down” etc. it doesnt bother me too much because alot of times they try to keep me seated and let me stomach the food down and have always asked me how my progress is. But at the same time, my best friend isnt the biggest eater, at least not infront of me. We would plan days to go out and eat and she always eats less than i do. I get really insecure and that prompts me to get rid of the food. She oftenly comments how little she eats or how shes not hungry. If yk anything about EDs, you should know that it’s extremely competitive. So everytime i hear that or smth similar, body body freezes up and i no longer eat or keep anything down for the day. I cant bring myself too. I feel like a pig everytime i hear “im not hungry” or “oh i only ate one thing today” or anything along the lines of that. Its not her fault for saying this or my friends to joke about it, we aren’t sentimental with each other and it weirds us all out when it does happen. I know they dont mean it and want the best for me, but the comments just drive my ED further and further. I cant go to my family, they make comments on my body regardless so the only people i have are them, but at this point idk if ill be okay.

• July 31, 2023