About a year ago my cousin and I moved into dorms in a college town just north of where we grew up. He lived down the street from me with some friends. A few months later, his dad calls me. I don’t talk to that uncle very often, but I didn’t answer cuz I was on the way to work. Work sent me home 10 min later, I forgot about the call and went home. Late that night, my mom called saying that my cousin had been murdèrēd. Turns out, my uncle had called me to go check on my cousin. This would have been right before his roommate kîlled him. None of them blame me, but had I just picked up the phone, I would have been there. His roommate wouldn’t have spiraled and he’d be here

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023