A coworker r@ped me at work. He had flirted with me and invited me over to his house for months, and I was always friendly but refused because I wasn't interested. I don't find him attractive at all, plus some of the things he says just weird me out. But I never expected him to be angry at me for turning him down since he never showed any signs of that. Then one day he and I were working the same hall together. We were passing out dinner trays to our patients. I walked into a particular room and began helping the resident set up his food. I guess my coworker came in behind me without me realizing. When I turned to leave, he had shut the door and was standing in front of it. I jokingly pushed him out of the way before I realized he wasn't playing. He shoved me up against the wall and pulled up my shirt and groped me all over. I tried to shove him off of me but he was a great deal stronger than I was. He put his hand around my neck and choked me and then yanked me into the bathroom and closed the door. He pulled my pants down and had his way with me while he dug his nails into my skin and pinched and twisted my chest. I struggled the whole time but I never screamed. I never told anyone. I haven't spoken about it until now. I don't know why. I haven't returned to my job because I can't face him, but I can't stop thinking about him. He disgusts me, but all I want is for him to do it to me again. Why am I like this? Is something wrong with me? I don't understand.