help. i’m a lesbian. my parents are homophobic. AND i’m in love with a girl. i feel so trapped by not being able to tell them because i feel like i’m living a secretive life. i’m constantly lying about who i am going out with, what i am doing with my “friend” and why i am spending so much money on my “new best friend”. I come home with h!ckey’s and my parents ask why i have so many rashes on my neck and chest. they do not care if i kiss guys or do anything w a guy, however they would flip the fuck out if i was ever caught kissing a girl. my parents don’t even like watching shows with gay couples in it because they can not stand the sight of them kissing because it is “gross” and/or “weird”. I have grown up with mental health issues such as depression, ptsd, anxiety, anorexia, and bpd, which also has lead to unhealthy coping skills. unfortunately, feeling ashamed of my sexuality and feeling like i have to hide it has increased my depression, anxiety, and mood swings. i hate this feeling and i want to feel free and accepted by my family and friends. i hate feeling like i have to hide my true self. i feel like everyone will dislike me or judge me for being a lesbian and loving a girl. i’ve lost too many people throughout my life, and i’m not ready to lose more…so please help me and give me some advice…what should i do?
Last year, 2021, around Christmas, I got pregnant by my now ex boyfriend. We've been together for two month's and it was the happiest I've ever been, but when I told him that I got pregnant, things between us got a little complicated because neither of us wanted kids, ever. He stopped talking to me for a while, and I gave him time and space. He got drunk a lot around that time and after a few weeks, I told him it was hard communicating and that we needed to talk, all he could say was that we should break up.
It was in the middle of the night and I went outside for a bit because I feel more comfortable outside then at home. I told him that I needed time to process that and that same night he came over because he didn't want to leave me alone. He did that several times, he kept on getting my hopes up over and over until after the abortion, he ghosted me and stopped answering my text's and calls. We didn't see each other anymore and I later found out that he was dating the girl he told me not to worry about, but on top of that he cheated on me with her, lied to me, literally just used me mostly and I was so hurt by it that I tried to commit.
It's been two months since we last talked and I'm still in love with him, I simply can't get over what happened and I don't know where else to talk about this honestly.
