I don't really have anybody else to tell this to that would care, but i'm really proud of myself today. it just hit me that all of last year and most of the year before that I wanted to kill myself, and I was seconds away from doing it at multiple points. it's a new year, and my suicidal thoughts and urges are almost completely gone. it's been hard, I won't deny it. there are times when I felt overwhelmed and times when I wanted to give up. still are, but i'm out of the hellhole I was in. I don't need my depression meds anymore, even though I still struggle with anxiety, and i'm going to therapy and trying to improve myself for the people I love. i'm 14 years old, and I have the rest of my life in front of me. the most I can hope for is that I make something of it and that I can actually enjoy it. i'm proud I made it this far and proud that I was able to ask for help, even if nobody could really do much to help me. I'm glad I'm alive. I still have a hard time taking care of myself and getting rid of the depressive tendencies, but I've started a sport and I'm doing well in school. i'm happy, for the first time in a long time, and it might not mean much to a stranger on the internet but it means the world to me.
