When I was 7, an older family member was arrested for abusing my sibling. My family member, my sibling, and myself were all in the bed together when he was caught in the act abusing my sibling. That night so many police came. We went to the hospital to have a rape kit administered, it was found out we were both drugged by him, and he went to jail. Luckily, we never had to see him again. We have been in therapy our whole lives for the abuse but my parents didn’t know if it happened to me as well. Now that I’m an adult, I told my therapist and mom I do remember my family member abusing me. That’s a lie. I can’t remember that family member touching me. In reality, I actually remember my sibling and I doing things around the time our family member was abusing my sibling. It would happen at our shared bedroom at home, by ourselves. Why can’t I remember what happened with the family member? It might be the drugs he gave us or my mind repressing it or it never happened to me. I have never told anyone about my sibling and myself. And I never will. I know my sibling clearly remembers our older family member abusing them but I don’t know if my sibling remembers it happening between us. I have decided to never bring it up and I will never ask my sibling if they remember what happened exclusively between us. Its too painful and confusing and all around f*cked up. They are my best friend and whatever happened between us, it wasn’t either of our faults. We were mirroring what we were shown. We were both abused in our own way and not many people go through that together.
When I was 14, I became extremely depressed. I tried telling my parents about it, but they would brush it off, telling me that there's no reason for me to be sad, that im still a child. Now I'm 21 about to turn 22 and I'm still suffering... I've gone to different therapists, have been on different medications and have tried unliving myself many times, but my family doesn't know that. I think they're aware of me using antidepressants and anxiety pills, but I don't think they know how much I'm suffering inside. I'm struggling so much with college because of my mental health and most of the times i cant get out of bed, take a shower or even brush my teeth. When my family ask me how college is going, i have to fake a smile and tell them that everything is fine, but deep down inside I'm suffering and i dont know how long i can keep going on for. I hate having to pretend thay I'm ok when I'm not, so I slowly start to isolate myself from everyone because talking is even so draining for me.
