My friends and boyfriend only care when they need me. I’m what you’d call a therapist friend of the group, no one asked how I’m doing or if I’m okay, only talk to me when they need advice or to vent. They’ll try to let me vent but then they’ll switch it back to them and I’ll be sitting there thinking “…oh okay..” my boyfriend did this today again. I’m planning on offing myself soon, because reaching out doesn’t help, and I’ve tried all my options, meds,therapy, talking to family or friends etc. so what I’m going to do is my very last option…but what would I write to my bf or friends or family..I’m talking about this because we all have that therapist friend, maybe you are that friend, but PLEASE check up on them every now and again and let them talk about how they’re feeling cause chances are, they never get to talk about how they feel, they only listen..
When I was 13, my parents forced me to go to Boy Scout Camp, on this annual trip we take (about a week and a half long), I was SA by two of the guys in my patrol. To get away, i slept outside rather than in their tent every night. I told one of the Troop Leaders about it, but i was ignored. When i get home, I told my parents about it but i wasn’t believed because i’m a guy.
The next year, (im in a new patrol now), I was wearing my yamaka when these two guys who hadn’t been on this trip last year started picking on me, for my religion. It started off small at first, they harassed me, annoyed me, they even told me I was going to hell bc i’m jewish. But then it started getting worse, one time i remember they knocked my food over on the ground, and when I went to pick it up to throw it away they started kicking me. They ended up forcing me to eat it. Revolted and angry, i told them they went to far and i was gonna get one of the adults. I started walking over to the Troop Leader’s cabin when i got hit in the back with a rock. And it wasn’t just one, they literally started stoning me. I ended up crying and later called my mom to go home early. I haven’t been back since.
I have many christian friends now, I love everyone, i don’t blame anything or anyone but Boy Scouts. I feel so badly for the girls it’s just now starting to let in. I wish the whole program, or at least my troop was abolished
Not going out much. I’m still only 18, but I feel like I don’t have any stories to tell. Never had a relationship, never stayed out late, never went cruising, and all other childhood memories I can only create in my mind. A big part that probably played part on this is the fact that my family is conservative. My parents are strict, but not too strict. They trust me enough to know my limitations. Honestly, it’s not them thats restricting me, I think that it’s myself. I mean all my life, I was quiet, shy, introverted, and reserved. But I did make efforts here and there, taking the initiative to talk to others and making new friends. I’m more outgoing now, but I feel like I’m forcing it. It just feels awkward sometimes, even with my closest friends. Like I feel genuine happiness when I’m out with my friends, but something’s just, missing. I don’t feel complete
in october of 2021, my great grandmother(she lives in india) had a problem with her sodium levels. and of course she was old so she wasn’t doing so well. anyways, me and my family were on vacation in tennessee. it was a good morning actually, we woke up in our hotel room all happy. my dad went to go take a shower, and my mom got a call from my grandmother. we got news that my OTHER great grandmother (not the one who wasn’t doing well) passed away. she and my other great grandmother were best friends, she saw her for the first time after a while, with wires and oxygen masks. she had a heart attack after she saw her. exactly 20 days later, great grandmother ( the other one) also passed away. why? heart attack. from realizing that her best friend passed away. after this, i became depressed, i tried telling my parents, but they would refuse the believe that i was depressed. my worst regret is not spending enough time with my great grandmothers, im gonna go to india this summer, but it breaks my heart knowing that i won’t be able to see them. every night, i have this pillow that i keep next to me, i talk to the pillow, pretending that it’s my great grandmothers. i tell them about my day, my friends, and everything. and of course, how much i miss them. on bad days, i cry on that pillow. i don’t tell anyone, no one notices. i’m typically the fun therapist friend so i can’t tell anyone, i don’t wanna bother people with my problems. anyways, thanks for actually reading this.
