HSR Stories

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July 30, 2023
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I always felt like everyone hated me in my family,my dad and bro,,i was always a failure,i ended up growing up with so much bitterness i hated them for treating me so badly,,,now my dad passed away last year,i didnot attend his burial because i was far away,,,i just wish he treated me better because i always felt so alone despite growing up in a family of 5 anytime i remember how much they used to beat me up,my mum would not help because she would be dragged into the mess,,,i just hate my brother even more now that my dad is gone,may he rest in peace,,,,anyone tell me how to deal with this bitterness,pain and hatred i feel inside

October 14, 2022

When I was about 5/6 years old(can't remember) I was raped by our house boy. The worst part is it went for a whole month. I never had a good relationship with my parents at all and I couldn't tell them, though I wanted to but felt helpless. However my mother knew something until one day she caught us. I was blamed for the action and even forced to sleep outside in the cold. I was still young and I didn't know what that was. I ended up sick and lonely crying at night but my parents didn't care or take me to hospital. Later they resolved the issue with the guy and he Even came back to our home to say goodbye as he was no longer working for us. I felt disgusted and betrayed. Being the only girl in my home, the relationship with my family then got destroyed. As I grew older I was left out, beaten, denied freedom to do even what teenagers do. Now am 21 but still feel like 13. Am trying to grow as an adult yet there's childhood in me still growing. I have had a lot of traumas in my life, been depressed and even tried killing myself but I couldn't do it. Unfortunately I got sick some few years back of heart condition. I feel caged. I have no friends, I don't party I just stay indoors loney. I always crave for love and affection because I was never loved and accepted as my father hates me because he wanted boys and I was born a girl and am living differently the way he wanted me to. I have been hurt and betrayed because of my big warm heart as I treat people and trust them they way I wanted to be treated but I never got a chance.I sometimes create imaginary friends in the house that I talk to, cry and Even tell them how I feel coz I got no one. I just feel tired..

October 14, 2022

My mom and dad have lots of arguments. So when i was younger I got really upset about it(obviously). It got to the point where I cried myself to sleep every night. That's not even the worst part though. I used to think it was all my fault bc I was a disappointment. This made me feel so sick to my stomach that I would take paper and write the things I hate about myself. I wrote things like "pig", "ugly", "stupid", etc. I later discovered that my mom found out and thought it was all her fault, so she blamed me for making her feel bad. I regret doing it. I really, really do. I can't believe how much I hurt my mom by writing those things about myself.

October 14, 2022

This began to hit me really recenty. My mom asked me to help her up the stairs the other day. I told her ur getting old as a joke but in reality she couldn't make it at all, She smiled and laughed it off, suggesting that she isnt and shes just tired, but it killed me because when I was a kid my mom would chase me up and down those stairs, laughing while doing it. It was my grandmother who couldn't make it then and always asked us for help up the stairs. Suddenly, my mom is in the same position as my grandmother, who passed away not too long ago. I see her a lot differently after that. When I was a kid, she seemed invincible and able to do anything. Now? She's aging, slowing down, and sad to say but she’s dying.. and I'm much more aware of it.She's told me that this is just the way of life and that she's enjoyed hers and plans on enjoying whatever life she has left, but I'm definitely more aware of her health problems and general condition and it destroys me to see her growing older like this. it's a little weird. I was prepared for my grandmother to pass because of her age and health these last couple of years, but I guess I never thought about my mom in a way other than being my knowledgeable, flawed, invincible mom who would always be there for me. i just dont know what to do with myself…

October 13, 2022

When I was 15 my moms health started to decline severely. I wasn't stupid so I knew she was gonna die. The previous year she was diagnosed with a brain disease I always thought she was gonna beat it but then again I had the thought that she wouldn't. Scared to lose her I started to push my self away by spending less time with her and going out with friends instead. When I came home from school and find out she passed it hurt way worse that I could've thought. I just wish I could go back and spend every minute with her. I miss her so much and I still don't know what to do without her anymore.

October 13, 2022

My husband has not been diagnosed but he has narcissistic traits, he is a good provider but has the humor or a 12 year old child who thinks picking on bodies and making fun of others is funny he does this every day. I cannot talk to him about any of my feelings as he takes them as a personal attack and starts to make up so many things about me I start to feel crazy and have ended up being the one apologizing for bringing things up. A long time ago when I still cared he cheated, flirted with other girls on fb and I caught him and he would get mad at me for making a big deal because he is only “joking” with “good friends” and I “make a big deal” he has hit me a few times throughout our marriage, and grabbed me against the wall squeezing my jaw or neck. These things are far and few between because when he is mad I just ignore him don’t yell back to not escalate things to that point again. My families does not know any of this as I never tell them and everyone thinks he’s a nice guy with a “bit of a temper” I don’t love him anymore, my 2 kids will be adults in just a couple years and I want to keep enduring it until then as I don’t want to put them through a divorce but I feel so fake being a “caring” wife when in reality everyday I wish he would die. I literally pray about it and feel horrible for doing so but every time he walks through the door it’s a bit of disappointment that he makes it back followed by anxiety about what he will point out I did wrong for the day or what will trigger his anger. Even when he is in a good mood I avoid him because I don’t want to be intimate with him anymore. It’s such a relief when he passes out drunk every day and I feel my body just relax. I would never do anything to harm him of course that’s not who I am.

October 13, 2022

so i have this theory that i’m never gonna get married, but it’s going to be by choice. ever since i was old enough to comprehend relationships, marriage, and divorce, i’ve had this thought. what’s the point of getting married, like actually. other then the fact that your family watches you share a love with someone, and you have a legal document that proves that you love that person.. in my opinion a document doesn’t prove anything. think about it, everyone’s gonna lie, cheat, and treat you horrible, even if you’re married to them. marriage doesn’t stop all that. but it does make it harder to get out. you have to go through divorce, go to court, get a lawyer, and even pay. what if my spouse was abusing me, or cheating on me, and i decided to leave. if i wanted to fully let them go, i would have to go through all that just to be free from them. in my opinion i’d rather just have promise rings and maybe like a little party that celebrates us, instead of a big wedding. this could be my commitment issues talking, but i genuinely don’t think i want to get married. now someone tell me reasons i should look at this differently and give me some other points of view :)

October 13, 2022

I deal with really strong, really immobilizing health related childhood trauma and idk what to do. Basically when I was 4 I started having a really intense stomach problem that developed into my intestines shutting down. I was in insane pain for two years going from doctor to doctor and getting blood tests every other week. Eventually we figured out that it was because of a problem with the food I was eating that made it impossible for my body to digest it. This sounds dramatic but it almost k!lled me. According to the doctor, had I not gone to her office the day I did, I would’ve been dead within a week. Eventually I got better but it made it to where sometimes I’m scared to eat. I hate eating at restaurants where I can’t tell for sure what’s being put into my food, I hate eating food prepared by anyone other than myself unless I can watch it being made, I just hate eating bc it makes me feel like somethings gonna go wrong. It makes people think I have an ED which I don’t think I do. And now every time I feel any sort of stomach related pain I automatically think I need to go to the hospital otherwise I’ll d!e. Ik plenty of people probably struggle with the same thing but idk it’s a really lonely feeling.

October 13, 2022

Back in the days of Kik in my middleschool years, I dated this one guy. We'll call him Flare. Flare was an okay dude, we didnt do anything sexual, I wouldnt call it love but we were okay together. Stuff started getting a little weird when he tried to send me a whole ass Xbox. It made me uncomfortable to give him my address, so i kept saying no even after he insisted. This was the start of a v ery rapid decline in our "relationship". In the end, one of our mutual friends tried to help mediate, but when we went back to a 1 on 1 conversation, Flare threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him. I dont remember exactly what I said, but I blocked him on kik. Havent heard from him since, still wonder if he actually did,,

October 12, 2022

When I was in my old school I was bullied but not the normal bullying it was way worst like I would get punched kicked and hit in my head with a ball but all the teachers didn't car nore did my family but when my older brother got hurt they called the police and everything and we moved because of that but when ever I came home with bruises and hair missing they didn't care and I only had two friends during this time that protected me and one was named Alissa and the other I called Lion but his name is Walter and they were like family to me.

October 12, 2022