when i was in high school, a teacher a lot of the kids, including myself, were really close to, ended up being a p3d0ph13 and intensely damaging a girl in the school.
i had had numerous encounters with him over the years where he’d said things to me that didn’t sit right, commenting on my weigh loss and new figure, getting me to deeply engage in details about my s3xual life with my current interests, and speaking theoretically about what we would be if we were in high school together or if i were 18 (i was not 18 yet).
my vision was obviously clouded, and i let these things slip my mind as he had been a friend; someone i could lean on when i had no one else. something in me chose to brush it off and believe it’s just cause we were close.
when he got busted and the case opened, the detective working it contacted me many many times, asking me to agree to an interview with them so they could gather more information on the teacher.
i never returned their calls, as it was hard to talk about the conversations and various inappropriate things that took place between us. i regret it everyday. he’s a free man, only on probation. i feel i could’ve done so much more to help put him away, but it never came to that. i could’ve helped put him behind bars but i was too ashamed to speak out about what took place between us.
for that girl; i wish i would’ve done everything in my power, and i’m so sorry i didn’t.
When I was in 8th grade, I got with a sophomore girl who we’ll call Sam. We were together for a year and almost 5 months and the relationship was entirely abusive. She would threaten suicide all the time if I didn’t speak to her, she would send me pictures of her barcoded wrists all because I didn’t see her messages sometimes, and we were constantly arguing. My anger and resentment turned into returned abuse that she gave me. When she hit me, I retaliated, when she screamed at me, I retaliated. I was so manipulated by her sewerslide threats that I could never end it off… eventually- I finally did it. It was hard and left me broken because I had grown so used to the abuse that I was comfortable within the violence we created… and the years following after our break up are some of my most regrettable ones. I’ve never gone into detail about these things with others, not even my current bf, but I thought I’d share because every now and then, i get stuck on thinking about it and dredge in the past. It’s hard, but I’m a Senior in HS now… I just wanna completely move on- the trauma I experienced has just created problem after problem… I wish i had never fallen in love with her.
