HSR Stories

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July 30, 2023
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My sibling and i did sexual things when we were younger. It haunts me, honestly. I regret everything and I don't know if it's considered s/a or not. I was so young and they're years older than me. It's hard to talk about because people never want to listen. They took my virginity. i was 9 there was no way i should have been in those situations. i wish someone would just listen and help me :((

November 13, 2022

My brain is a little foggy of the events that happened but I’ll say what I can remember. When I was 8 or 9 I wanted to sell bracelets and my moms boyfriend at the time said that I can go if I come back and helped with something. I came back and he said I was old enough to know some things and stuff like that a young woman. Then we talked about what would u do if you were trapped in a room with a guy and I said I would scream. He said that wouldn’t be smart because nobody would hear you. Then he said I could watch tv and said he would put on Disney channel and i shielded my eyes because it was a porn cd and I got scared so he turned it off. Then I remember talking about something and he pulled his pants down and said I should suck him like a lollipop and I said no I was deeply disturbed and he grasped my hand and I tried to run and I got away and I went outside. However I am the oldest and I have 4 other siblings so I stayed because I was scared they would get hurt. I never said anything to my mom because he said I would get in trouble and get her in trouble and I didn’t want that. 2or 3 years later I got the courage to tell my aunt because he kept doing little things to bother me and I was scared that because he didn’t get to me he got to my siblings. She asked me a series of questions and I told her everything and she told me the term which is molestation and I told her I felt stupid and dirty. My aunt gave me courage to tell my mom and I chickened out so she told her and I don’t know if she was lying or not but she told me that my mom said “why would he do that” and I broke down. I stayed with my aunt for some years to get away from the situation, fast forward I came home and she was still with him and my siblings were mad bc I got to live with her and they didn’t. Then we got another house with my mom and him still being together and my gma came to visit and we were talking about some stuff and she acted like she didn’t know what happened so I told her. Nobody told my gma what was going on. As of now I have 6 siblings and two of them are from that boyfriend and I am grateful for them I love them to death and I would give my life for them but i cannot believe he gets to be the dad and I am glad he doesn’t come around. Every time I hear his name I’m not angry anymore but I still get sad because of the shit that I had been through. I had to pretend that I was fine and like nothing happened, I couldn’t get justice because it was a long time b4 I told anyone and even if I could my aunt said she and my mom would get in trouble and I coined the do that to my family. Also as of now I am 20 years old and I have never went into detail with a friend about this. As a result of experiencing this I watch porn way to much and I am way to scared to have sex and even kiss someone. I know that I am not what I went through but it hurts it is a reminder of everything and how gullible and naive I am. To make matters worse I was talking to my mom about academics and y I can’t focus on my college work and she blamed it on when I stayed with my aunt when she knows what happened and y I had to stay there it was never my fault and she knows who is truly at fault and what trauma could do to someone I know when she said it she wanted a reaction out of me and she got it. 20 years old and this stuff is still kind of at the back of my mind bc of this and past horrible friendships I am scared of everybody’s intentions but the good news is I decided to go to therapy to better communicate and get this type of shit off of me and out of my mind wow this was a lot

November 13, 2022

I have been struggling with an Ed since the 8th grade (almost a senior in HS) it started after I moved and wanted to gain control over my life bc everything else felt so out of control. But now I literally cannot handle it I’ve moved four times since then and several houses later, I’ve lived in a hotel, witnessed my mom overdose due to my dad finding out about her affair and telling me and my siblings, they fight all the time and claim there going to get a divorce but and up coming back and acting like everything is fine. My dad has been drinking more and more and gets very angry very quickly, forget things and trade stocks from 6am to 7 pm without moving, nothing has felt right ever since I moved, and sometimes I just want everything to stop and workout for once

November 12, 2022

Recently ive been having a lot of thoughts abt commiting. the problem is that life isnt exactly hard, its just overwhelming and i dont know what to do. i see myself falling back into the mental health hell i was in over quarantine, but this time it feels a lot more stressful. i have several missing assignments and most of my grades have dropped because of this. i also have been having issues w several of my friends because they feel as if ik not putting enough effort into our relationship. i dont really want to keep going but ik if i end it my brother and gf would be really upset and i dont want to leave them like that. idk what to do and i just really want someone i can talk to abt all of this.

November 12, 2022

I hate being a mother. I love my children with all my heart and they give me so much purpose, but I honestly wish I never had kids. I regret it and I feel guilty for feeling that way because they didn’t ask to be here but I was being young, dumb, and looking for love. I don’t want to be a full time mom plus the job I have won’t let me be one. They live with their dad, but it’s so bad because I don’t even want to go see them or get them sometimes. I’ll never hurt or abandon my children because I know what it feels like to not have a loving mom but I don’t know how to stop feeling like this. I’d like to know if any moms understand me.

November 12, 2022

There’s this guy I’ve known him for about 5 or so years he’s only a couple years older anyway he’s best friends with one of mine. I’ve never had issues with him before n really saw him as just a friend tbvh until now… we had all been drinking one night and decided around 3am it was time to sleep except there weren’t enough blankets and it was cold that night so this guy we’ll call him Jay he said just to share with him at the time I didn’t care I was tired asf and thought we would just go to sleep ‍♀️ which we did until the next morning when I woke up to him feeling me up and trying to take my clothes off now you would think I would of just pushed him off but I didn’t in that moment I froze and started panicking n heavy flashbacks of my ex started coming through and the only thing I could do was cry now this seemed to scare him n ran off to the bathroom so I desperately got up n fixed myself n ran home crying he snapped me later that day saying what happened was never to be mentioned again… I’ve relapsed ever since and on the verge of being kicked out and none of my friends know what happened they just know I can’t ever be near him.

November 12, 2022

I’ve struggled with depression /anxiety / ptsd ETC. Since I was in elementary school. The first time I attempted suicide was when I was 13. I took around 30 mixed pills, but it didn’t do anything and I never told anyone. My mental health would go up and down, but when I was 16 it hit an ultimate low. I overdosed on about 120 pills and ended up in the ICU and hospital for a few days. I then went to a psych ward where I stayed for a few weeks. I told my doctor there I wasn’t ready to leave, but he let me go anyways. Fast forward 3 more hospital stays later, my most major attempt happened when I took 180 pills. I went to the hospital for a week, and then ended up in a residential facility for 6 months. This place neglected us patients, sometimes having 1 staff member to 11 girls which was VERY unsafe especially because some girls were extremely aggressive. I was so afraid that one day I slept outside of the unit on the nurses station floor, and they refused to give me a blanket or a pillow because I wasn’t doing as I was told. They also wouldn’t let me move to the other unit because of “covid.” Another girl slept out there with me. Over the next 5 or so days I made my way onto the hall by refusing to leave, being protected by the girls on this new hall. Still I was grabbed twice and restrained by multiple staff members just because I didn’t want to go back to a hall that I felt unsafe on. This facility was recently shut down, but I feel the need to tell my story and bring more awareness to the serious issue we have in our health care system today for mental health issues.Anyone know how I can do this?

November 12, 2022

When I was born my parents were drug attacks so they would give us bottles and leave us in our room I'm 14 today and im turning out just like my mother cheating stealing I can't help it... I need help my father died a few years ago and my mother "brainwashed" us and was going to take us back I live with one of my sisters but I can't deal with this no more I'm all happy all the time I'm not lying I want everyone happy so I'm not saying no to anyone... I need help please help me my legs are giving out on me like they did when I was born I needed really bad surgery or else I would be in a wheelchair no offense to people in weechairs I love sports I'm want to do softball I want to be an actor if you know me then you knew this about me im 14 I'm adopted thank you for listening and if not still thank you I'm sorry I can't live like this

November 12, 2022

TW: I hate that I kept my daughter a secret from life at 13. He sexually assaulted me for so long and when I told him I thought that was my way out. He told me “if you tell anyone I will kill you and the baby”... if I told someone she could still be here and I wouldn’t have had a miscarriage. Thank you for sending me blue jays my baby girl.

November 12, 2022

Growing up all I wanted was to fit in. Coming from a broken household I craved for validation. Though at the time I didn't notice I was slowly losing the real me. That's if I even had a real me to begin with. Every decision I made was based upon people near me. I've never made a decision of my own accord. I realized to late that the only validation I needed was myself. Sometimes in the middle of the night I think about the life I could have had. Why didn't I say no? Why didn't I say I don't agree? Why didn't i speak my mind? Why, why, why ,why. The word why haunts me to this day. I never had a role model i could look up to so I don't blame younger me for making mistakes such as that, but some mistakes will follow you forever. I wonder if I would have been in STEM or maybe on my way to Mars or maybe.... just maybe I could have been a best selling author. Now I'm stuck in time dreading the life I've lead. I wonder if I'll ever move forward . Thank you for reading.

November 11, 2022