Let me start this out by saying that I have a twin sister (identical). Shes really nice and has a charming personality. I regard myself as someone who is kind of like her, but worse in every way.
She has good piano skills, I dropped lessons and occasionally play piano once in a while-whenever a piano song plays on the radio my mother always lectures me on how I never play piano anymore and I need to take more lessons. It always makes me so pissed because shes always pushing me on about how I don’t play a sport, I don’t need lectures about piano on top of that.
My sister can draw really well, I can’t. She is doing great academically and seems to know what to do for her career, unlike me. It’s a pattern, if I can do something even remotely ok, she can do it ten times better.
I have been juggling feelings of suicide for years and I don’t even know if I’m just faking it or not anymore. I’m just tired of not ever being able to be number one for anyone. My mother loves my sister dearly, she’s the golden child.
My sister also dealt with feelings of suicide and self-harm-just like me. She’s just human after all.
Yet, I had the audacity to be insulted.
Someone as gross as me, felt disgusted at my sister for opening up to me. She trusted me, and I repaid that by getting disgusted. It was at that moment I realized that I started to fall from loving my sister, to wanting to strangle her myself. It’s a shitty mindset for sure and I have nothing to excuse this behavior.
Long story short, I want to kill my sister. Out of jealousy. To this day, I still want to end my sister, but I also want to do the same to myself, for thinking something so cruel. This is probably something really boring and tame compared to the other stories, and my love goes out to you all.
