I was going through a rough time the end of my junior year of high school. Everything felt like it was falling apart. I had terrible depression that would give me such heavy dread for everything. My anxiety made it hard to just breathe. One night, while calming myself down from a panic attack, I decided I wanted to not be here anymore. To finally leave and be at peace. So, I talked more to my friends. I called them up any time I could so I could remember their voices better as I would die. I set a date. I had a Google doc with my last words on it for them and my family. I had a group chat from a long time ago that all my friends left that I was still on. On it was videos of me documenting the days leading up to when I would no longer be there. I had the perfect plan and did research. But, a part of me was scared. So I joked about it to make myself feel better. Then, I brought up a date. I had almost a week left. When my mom got a call from my school. Someone anonymously told them that I wanted to no longer live. I was so scared and blamed it on an old friend trying to mess with me that I just stopped being friends with. And my mom dropped it. I knew it was a close friend of mine. But, they where the only ones that REALLY knew about it. And I'm so thankful for it. But I'm too scared to tell them how thankful because we aren't really friends. But without them, I wouldn't be here today. So for anyone reading this, please check on your friends. They may need you more than you think. And if you're that friend, even if you're scared, please, please try to reach out. It may not feel like it. But there are people who will care. There are good people out in this world.
